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While I careened at a full gallop across a lush field on my pony, I screamed my head off, knowing that the end of this situation would end in pain. This was supposed to be an easy ride, because I had been bucked off the day before and Charlie was supposed to be a breeze. But as Charlie went faster and faster, with me clutching his mane in fear, I realized this was going to end badly. Sure enough, he came up on a fence that he realized he didn’t want to jump, so he spun to the right.

I flew to the left.

I landed on a cement road along the barbed wire fence, slamming my head so hard my helmet had shattered in the back. If I hadn’t been wearing that helmet, I’d be dead right now or vegetable in a hospital.

This is how I lived my life,: quickly, fearful and usually, I hurt myself. I always got back on the horse, but I kept the same mindset, the same fearful attitude. Eventually, the fear became so intense that in January this year, I dreaded riding. Every Wednesday, I would get a pit in my stomach, churning fear settling into my gut.  Finally, my best friend and riding instructor yelled at me, after I couldn’t even get our smallest pony into a canter, because I was terrified I’d fall off.

“Jenna, you can’t be afraid of falling off. You’re going to fall off. It’s going to hurt. But you should love riding enough that you do it anyway, regardless of risk. Either you make this canter happen or stop riding.” 

She’s my best friend for a reason. I swallowed my fear and damnit, I made that tiny pony canter. I shattered through months of built up fear, through sheer determination and frankly, I didn’t want to feel or look like a damn pansy. After I got off , I contemplated what this moment in time meant for me. I realized that this is what 2013 was going to present to me, whether I wanted it to or not. 2013 has been one of the hardest years ever, throwing curveball after curveball. I had a boyfriend dump me, I got laryngitis on the weekend I had a three day expo and a wedding, I started doing school full time with my business full time and I’m in debt up to my eyeballs. Yet, I knew that living in fear of the unknown was not how I wanted to function anymore.

I wanted to be honest. With everyone. About everything. I wanted to go balls to the wall, tell you about me and risk judgment by anonymous strangers. See, horses weren’t the only thing I was terrified about, it was/is people in general. I grew up abused, socially awkward and too weird for others to tolerate. As a result, I turned into an outwardly happy adult who told you nothing, nadda, zilch, about myself. I realized that this is probably why I have so few good friends, because I just don’t want to be hurt over and over again. Then I realized that I’m not alone. I’m not that damn special in this world, so if I felt isolated and afraid of the world, others probably did too.

So at the beginning of March, I wrote a blog about myself, where I told the whole world that my father had abused me as a child and that he was in prison. I told them I’ve been in jail, even if it was for the most ridiculous reason. And I was frightened out of my  mind. Terror settled in my stomach for two days after I posted that blog, the urge to just take it down so unbelievably strong. But I feel I have too much to offer, too much compassion to share, to be another one of those photographers who shows you nothing but their highlight reel of butterflies and rainbows.

You know what happened after that blog? Nothing. Nobody came to me and said, “oh my word, thank you Jenna for telling the world you’ve been abused. I was raped too and you’ve given me the hope I’ll be a millionaire one day and perhaps have a circus of dancing dogs.” On the other end, no one noticeably judged me for it either, although I’m sure it happened in closed chat rooms and texts. And that’s okay because that wasn’t the point. Living authentically has nothing to do with notoriety. Living authentically is alllllll about you, baby. Let me tell you the personal outcome of telling the world I had been raped.

I am happy.

It’s simple: if you open up to the world for yourself and with no ulterior motives, you will become happy. A switch had flipped for me. Suddenly, I dealt with stress better, I no longer feel like I need a man to make me happy and I have even stopped dating for a while, when before, I went on two a week.  I go out more, I reach out to people more frequently and hell, I relax more often. I had been heavily drinking but suddenly I didn’t feel the need to have a drink every single day.

I think when I decided to say, “Screw you, I’m sharing myself, whether you like me or not!!!!!” I think I realized I can be comfortable with who I am. Haters gonna hate, might as well give them a juicy topic to complain about!

My weirdness is still here in all of its glory, but I smile bigger when I dance in a grocery store. My dog and I have more educated conversations (just kidding, he isn’t educated). I’m not terrified if someone judges me for being raped, for going to jail, for having a GED or for being a freakin WEIRDO. But if sharing myself with people helps even just one person take the leap into living authentically, then awesome. I want to help people, to help this world become a better place, because you deserve more than surface Facebook updates and “what’s up” texts.

I know I’m not special. My story is far from original. So if I can do it without repercussion, you can too. You won’t lose as much as you think. Just try it this week. Write one blog about you, for you. Don’t think about who will read it, because remember, that isn’t the point.

By the way, I ride every Wednesday with a smile now. I have no fear of falling anymore.

You guys are always submitting questions to me via to carrie(@)photographyawesomesauce.com or on our >formspring question area< about starter equipment. You want to know what’s the best, how to save money, if you can shoot a wedding with a Rebel, what I started shooting with… Some of you have even told me that some other photographer looked down on you for shooting with the a T2i or equivalent.

I don’t feature photographers on Photography Awesomesauce anymore. I didn’t want this website to become a place to show off how awesome all the big name photographers are, because well, they are awesome. I wanted this website to develop into a community where newer photographers can learn together and develop not only their photography skills, but more importantly, their business ones.

I may not be part of the ‘in-crowd’ when I say that I believe you can make beautiful images with any camera. Of course, I wouldn’t deem to get paid thousands to photograph a wedding with my iPhone, but I have seen amazing images created with just that teeny little phone camera. I do believe that the quality of the photographer and their creative eye is the ultimate key to a successful photography business.

Not everyone with the best camera in the world can photograph the best photos. We all love to talk about how people with even a crappy camera can create beautiful images and while that’s true we are not inundated with Canon Rebel users who are the number one photographers in their area. Photography is a rare gift. For me the business side was the natural talent for me and the actual photography skills I have are something I’ve developed over time and I’m always going to be working on improving. There are some photographers who just have that skill and rock it no matter what they are using and I am envious.

I really wanted to highlight a photographer who does not use the best equipment in the world to show you that with a creative eye and hard work you can still create amazing and beautiful images even with a Rebel. Natalie Bee Photography. Can that be a sentence of its own? Because Natalie is the bomb (I’m a child of the nineties). This girl has been in business a little over a year with just a Rebel and I am amazed at what she’s accomplished in a short amount of time with a budget camera.

Like I said, I could feature the greats of the industry here. We would all ooh and ahh over their gorgeous images and the equipment we envy having, but can’t afford. I think REAL inspiration comes from the “little guy” who is accomplishing more with less.

This is not to say that everyone who has a “nice camera” should go out and become a professional. Natalie is the true, rare person who embodies all of these memes that say ‘it’s not the camera, it’s the photographer.’ I always encourage business owners to upgrade to less limiting equipment if you can – and if you can’t and this is your dream – keep doing what you’re doing.

Natalie shoots with a Canon Rebel. She recently marked the first year of business and I have to say she is taking names and kicking butt. If my first year of business could have been anything like Natalie’s I can’t imagine where I’d be 5 years in. Natalie is someone who is full of natural RAW talent. The images she captures with her rebel are amazing to me. Back when I was using a Rebel mine looked nothing like this (hello crappy talent behind the camera?!). I really can’t wait to see where Natalie is going to go with her business. I know it’s going to take her far and beyond what she could have ever imagined. She’s got the whole package – marketing skills, people skills, business skills, photography skills, and a creative eye.

I wanted to share a few of my favorite images of Natalie’s to show you that you can create beautiful images even with a camera some deem ‘less professional.’ You don’t have to agree with me, but I know that Natalie’s business sense and images will inspire many photographers who are trying to make it on a budget. It CAN be done and you CAN do it.

Natalie’s been kind enough to lend us her images and put herself out there in this post. I really wanted to use her as an example of someone who took that camera and rocks it. I know it’s hard to put yourself out there and say what you shoot with when other people can put you down, and I admire her for not being afraid. I think she should be INCREDIBLY proud.

Natalie’s Website >Natalie Bee Photography<
Natalie is a rockin’ social networker >Natalie Bee’s Facebook<

1. Your work is primarily newborns and children – what made you interested in that type of photography?

I think after struggling with infertility for years I realized what a MIRACLE these little beings are. They are just so perfect and innocent. I love being able to capture that.

2. What was your biggest struggle when you first started your business and how did you overcome it?

I (like so many) started out unexpectedly. I didn’t have a business plan. I didn’t know how to price myself so I could actually make a profit. Luckily I had some more seasoned photographers who knocked some sense into me. It wasn’t long until I realized I was working for less than minimum wage so I figured out what I needed to make per hour to actually bring home a paycheck.

3. How would you describe your editing style?

I think I have editing ADD One week I am on a hazy action kick—the next I’m very clean and simple. LOL. Seriously though. I spend a good amount of time editing my favorite images and then I batch the rest. I realized I was spending wayyy too much time editing images that never got ordered. I let my clients know that I’ll make sure anything they print will be absolutely perfect.

4. What’s your story? How did you end up doing photography?

Like I mentioned, I started out unexpectedly. I had a nice camera so I could take pictures of my own kids. Soon my friend started asking for pictures, and then THEIR friends started asking. It just snowballed.

5. Tell us about one of your most memorable and favorite photography moments.

Gosh there are so many special moments but I think some of the ones that touch me the most are being a part of all of the most important moments of a clients life—from their wedding, to the birth of their babies. It’s SO neat. I also just love being able to volunteer my time to do sessions for kids who battling cancer. I can tell you from experience that those images are priceless.

6. What advice would you give to a new photographer looking to start their business?

Remember this is a BUSINESS. If you want to succeed in this crazy industry you need to be a good business person as well as a good photographer. Make sure to set yourself apart.

7. What’s your favorite type of photography to do and why?

Newborns. They grow SO fast. I think most parents say it’s hard to remember those first weeks. I love being able to capture that time so they can look back on it forever.

8. Who or what inspires you?

Color inspires me. I love coming up with new ideas or combos for set ups. I also love looking at other photographers work who I admire—it gets my creative juices flowing. Kelley Ryden and Tracy Raver are 2 of my favorite newborn photographers.

9. Some of your newborn photos are outdoors! Is it difficult to take the baby outside and get photos done like you would in your studio?

I have only done it a few times. I live in Minnesota so 9 months out of the year the weather isn’t super warm. During June-August it’s great but the bugs are horrible. Honestly it’s a real pain. I love the way it looks but it has to be a really sleepy baby so I can work very quickly.

10. And finally, for fun, if you could have any super power what would it be?

Magic editing powers. I want to snap my fingers and have allllllll of my editing done

There are so many great suggestions and tips out there to assist in photographing children, and I will share some of my own that seem to work for me.

1. GO WITH THE FLOW….there is nothing worse than trying to force a situation or an idea onto a child. It immediately frustrates everyone involved. Sometimes, letting the child lead and giving the child control over their circumstances, relaxes them and allows them to have fun…in no time, you’ll be getting some great images, because the kiddo is actually enjoying the moment, rather than having it forced onto them.

2. TIMING….it’s important to understand that little ones are just like us adults…we have times during our day that work better for us than others…children are the same. It’s important to be sensitive to a hungry, or sleepy, or grumpy child. Pick a good time that works for them and you’ll have such an easier time of capturing a cooperative child!

3. RELATE! Some children are quiet, some are loud and ostentatious, some are shy and some are outgoing….it is our job as the photographer to be very in tune to this and be able to relate to them on their level. Make yourself small, get on the floor, on the ground, lay on your tummy, sit indian style and get on their level. Try to understand their personality before even photographing them. Once a little bit of trust is established, you can then get some great interactions between the child and your camera.

4. ENCOURAGE! I ask a child their opinion, I ask for their ideas, I ask for their direction. THEY LOVE IT! And there is no such thing as a wrong opinion or a bad idea when it comes to the child’s answer! I also encourage them to be them! I want to always encourage that during a session.

5. HAVE FUN! Kids love fun, I do too! I want it to be a win/win situation. So, this is always the goal! Play a silly game, tell silly jokes, and have fun with the child. A photography session should be about fun, especially where children are involved. Learn a few knock, knock jokes and remember them! ( I can never remember any jokes, so I am working on this one myself!)

Technical tips….When photographing children, I take a lot of pictures! I try to keep my camera always up and ready as well, because AFTER the “posed shot”, ALWAYS comes the” better shot”. Be ready to catch the in between, because this is where the magic lies.

I like to keep my gear very simple, so I can move fast and along side the child. I usually pop on my 50 1.2 lens, and go for it! I can then get close in without too much distortion, but I can also get a nice pull back shot with a lot of surrounding detail. If I’m indoors, I might be more apt to use my 35 1.4 lens for a wider angle. I usually never use a reflector, or flash or any other items that could inhibit my movement or missing a shot.

I like to engage the child in a simple activity. This helps them focus on something long enough for you to get some very still shots. I will ask them to count the blades of grass, play with a ladybug, or I’ll ask them a very in depth question that they have to ponder for a few moments. I’ll also ask them if they see any frogs or flies or cows on my head?! It always works, because they always look up at you…unless of course, you’re MY children, where they simply say…”probably?” without even glancing my way! So this brings me to my next tip…keep your material fresh…kids are the hardest audience to win over!

I sent her a message and was crossing my fingers she’d have the time to be bothered my lil’ old me and she did. Keep an eye out because next Friday she’s brining us an article with some how-to tips for photography!

So, now I bring her to you, and a few of her favorite beautiful images. Please be sure to visit her website, http://tonyapoitevintphotography.com/, and stop by her >Facebook Page< and say hi. You’ll find so much inspiration in what she does!

1. Your photography of children always brings me back to memories of my own childhood and having things like lemonade stands. What motivates you to capture these colorful memorable moments with children?

The motivation stems from the children themselves! I like to  just wait and watch and see where their imaginations take them, and then, I just make sure I have my camera ready!  I will admit to sometimes, “setting the stage” for them, but with my own children, especially, I love to witness their creativity….it is always so much better than any idea I could come up with!

2. As someone who once lived in the UK I’m so glad you call rain boots “wellies” on your Facebook Page. What do you love about rain boots so much? They’re a common theme in your photography.

Well, actually, I didn’t know they were called “wellies”, until the creator of the children’s clothing line, “Little Wellies”, contacted me to photograph some of her clothing items…I think it’s such a great name and super fun to say! 

I love rain boots because they’re easy to put on and off, easy to wash and practical.  My kiddos love them too!

3. How would you describe your editing style?

I love to keep my editing very simple and streamlined.  When I first started out, this was not the case, but as time went on, I realized I wanted to be out photographing life and not “inside” just editing life.  So, therefore, I keep my editing style pretty simple, with a few actions or tweaks here and there. I stick to a similar recipe for my color images and for my black and white images…Many have described my editing style as vintage and classic…I guess I would too!

4. What’s your story? How did you end up doing photography?

The simple answer is I love to feel and see and create beauty.  It is all around us and I am fulfilled when I get to do the above.  My children are the most beautiful, inside and out, to me.  Therefore, photographing them became the impetus to my wanting to pursue photography.  If I can do that for others as well, then I am completely content.

5. Tell us about one of your most memorable and favorite photography moments.

It seems like the “most recent” session is always a new favorite…I think that’s pretty typical as an artist as well, because it’s an evolution of sorts…we’re always learning and trying new things and discovering a new favorite photograph!

However, One that is prevalent  in my mind is a session I recently did for a family where the Dad was diagnosed with cancer. He wanted to set up the shoot, so his young children would have these photographs to look back on with him interacting and loving his wife and children.  This session will always be near and dear to my heart, because now that the Dad is no longer here in the physical, his children will always have the photographs.  They will have this tangible reminder of their Father’s love for them. For me, THIS is what it is all about and the most important reason above all else to “take the picture.”

6. What advice would you give to a new photographer looking to start their business?

I believe that the most important piece of advice to someone starting any business, is to be true to your heart…Wherever your mind wanders when you daydream, is what you should probably be doing! All the other “business advice” will come, but if you’re not  living and breathing it, then you probably shouldn’t make it a business.

7. What’s your favorite type of photography to do and why?

I love to photograph children and their connections to the world around them.  For me, there is something so innately innocent and magical about little ones on their own discovery.  I think we loose that a little bit as we get older and with children…it’s right there, and it reminds me over and over again the reason we’re all here. To love purely, and to be connected to one another and to be real and true.

8. Who or what inspires you?

 My children, the sky, the light, beautiful lyrics, music, connections to one another, laughter, wind….inspiration itself inspires me! It is a great feeling to feel inspired, so I try to find it anywhere I can!

9. And finally, for fun, if you could have any super power what would it be?

Teleportation! I don’t like to leave my house. I hardly travel, but the yearning is there, if only I could do it quickly and spontaneously  Teleportation would allow me to act on a whim and be back before I need to cook dinner! YES!

And for extra measure. 21. Figure out your legal stuff early on.

If you need help formulating goals to make your business a success check out my guide to creating a business plan. If you need help making your business legit and figuring out taxes, registrations and other legal mumbo jumbo make sure you check out the Make Your Business Legit guide.

As always feel free to ask me a question or ask for help.

Are you signed up for Monday night’s free online webinar about photography business?

http://carrieswailsphotography.com

We didn’t have Chinese or do anything special tonight. I actually can’t have Chinese anyway (egg allergy), somehow this just came up in conversation and it sounded brilliant. I would love to say that Nick is the source for this positive way of looking at the world, but I’m sure someone has said it before.

I’m not much for superstition so reading through all these sincere worries about getting a fortune cookie with no fortune makes me giggle a bit, although I have respect for all the ways people view life. Usually all my fortunes say I need to eat more vegetables. Touché. As photographers we are our own small business owners and therefore have to chart our own destinies. The success of our businesses only depends on how much we put into it. Therefore we truly are the ones who decide our own fate with photography. I think this quote is fitting and I hope it brightens everyone’s days going into this holiday weekend.

I, for one, hope all my fortune cookies are always empty.

As always, here to help you guys. Feel free to bug me anytime.

http://carrieswailsphotography.com